This summer I have failed miserably. My focus on my kids has been too much. Can you actually do this? My answer: Yes. What I mean is that I have almost smothered them with focused time. Its back fired in the way that you just need a break (all the time) from the people you want to focus on. I believe its very important to give your present moments to the individuals in front of you. Yet, there is such a thing where it becomes overboard. I have personally done this.
I also have failed this summer with working my personal business the way I want to. I have slacked off and then I’ve been mad that things have slowed down. I’ve poured over my frustrations with this and with the kids and I’ve spiraled into some negative mind games.
I’d tearfully say to my husband “I’m trying so hard. I don’t understand.”
“Why is it not working out for me?! ”
“I’m so tired.”
I’ve epic failed.
But here is the thing, someone helped me see this as a positive and a launching point. This is where I’m at and this is it. Like it or not.
How do you get yourself out of the pity party of failure feelings? I personally believe that young moms do this more than anyone else on the planet. The guilt, expectations, and shame we allow ourselves to carry is astronomical. It can literally render us unmovable.
Let’s stop using the phrase “I’m trying”. It is now a motto for me to not say this. I find myself saying this and hearing others say this all the time. Just do. I am no-longer “trying”. It either is or I’m not. I have to remind myself that Everything I do along this journey is contributing to where I’m headed. “Trying” suggests that no matter what you do you won’t succeed or that it doesn’t have impact. Trying for me gives me an out and excuses that if I do a half job or it doesn’t pan out – “hey, I tried”. I am no longer trying, I do. I do not want to “try” to parent my children. I want to do it. Whether it works or not is not completely up to me but, I still don’t ever want to say “I tried” when it comes to that topic, or any other topic for that matter.
The next thing to do is to stop multi tasking. It is now a proven point that people who multi task are less efficient and less effective. I am also on the farthest spectrum of this multi tasking idea because I actually can’t multitask. Not at all. I’m horrible at it. I’ll listen to music, text my sister, and be on the floor playing with kids. (yeah right.) I’ll have gotten the text out but I won’t know the song that was being played and my kids will be drawing marker on the desk. I end up not finishing anything. So no more multi tasking. Embrace who I am and just do one thing and do it well.
Stop perfectionism and insecurity by just going really fast. My husband teases me that we have different paces on the weekends. I always want to do major projects and rush around to pack it all in. He, on the other hand, wants to have a leisure brunch and do maybe one thing on the list and do it to absolute perfection. He is really good for me! It is however, a proven fact that if you have something to do – do it quickly. The reason? The faster you work the less distractions, questions, and perfectionism play a part in the equation. You end up working 80% better! True fact.
Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. – Harriet Braiker
Excellence is what I’m after in my life.
When was the last time you epically failed? Because honestly, if you are not failing you’re not going for it hard enough. Your not striving for greater and bigger things. The next time you thing your epically failing remember that you’re not just “trying” for something – your really going for it! Your closer than you think to those incredible dreams and ideals. Failing is progress in massive proportions because you are way farther off than if you hadn’t gone for it at all.
1 John 5:5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.