Dear Journal

Dear Journal

Fall 2019

I have a head cold. I’ll be honest I’m happy about it. I can cancel on obligations and stay home from church. I can let me husband take charge without feeling like I am leaving him to do all the heavy lifting. I can exhale. No guilt involved. I can stay in my pj’s and drink tea all day without feeling like I am being lazy. I instead can give myself the thoughts that I am giving myself the gift of health and recovery.

I am learning the art of “being”. As I work on this, I realize I have been in a season where it’s not ok to do this. That in our world, “being” is considered irresponsibility with one’s time. However, my body, mind, and emotions are screaming for nothingness. I have been in a season of serving. A season where if I sit I must also be doing. Example. I sit down on the couch. If I do this, I must be watching something, texting someone, listening to or encouraging of…  But guess what? It is O.K. to not. To be proactive and to be doing constantly is exhausting. Exhausting to a level you can’t describe. You only know you have it.

But the world says:

“Create the things you wish existed.”

“I’ve got a dream worth more than my sleep.”

“Success is not owned it’s rented and the rent is due everyday.”

My head was killing me yesterday and so I stood in the kitchen dazed. With an ache that went far beyond my head. And for 10 solid blissful minutes I sipped my tea and watched my kids play “puppies”. (This is where one child gets down on all fours and pretends to be the puppy, running around playing and throwing my fall pillows everywhere, while the other child play’s the role of owner, taking care of the puppy and telling the puppy “No, NO! and sit”.)

As I stood there. Just stood, I could feel myself becoming rejuvenated. It was utter delight. 10 mintues of NOTHING. No emails. No texting. No instagram scrolling. No list making or menu planning. When was the last time I did that? When in my life have I taken the time and just received it? Where I didn’t try and push back or fill the space with something.

I read a quote a few days ago that said, “Less Hustle, More Grace.”  – Hilary Rushford. It spoke to my core. I am choosing this. More reading, less technology. More home time, less child extra curricular. More cooking, less running. More puzzles, less productive projects. More being, less doing.

I have piles and piles of blogs and posts and writings on doing, productivity, time managment and going the distance. After all, I am a personal coach. My job is all about motivation! But so often we fail. I fail. We fail to see, that in a world that screams “Go! Go! Do! Do!” God has been wispering to our hearts “You just have to be. Be Grateful. Be kind. Be Mine!”

This fall I am focusing on less. Less mess, chaos, and deadlines. Less exhaustion. The interesting fact is, that as I do this I gain more. More rhythm, more peace, more inspiration, more energy, more authenticity, more joy.

What are you focusing on this Fall?

 

Family Fun

Family Fun

 

A yellow leaf all crunchy around the edges. Nutmeg on the counter. A cozy colorful afgan. An orange pair of overalls. Red wine and cheese. Fall has arrived. And with it pumkin spice and everything nice! For me it is a nice shift from the summer heat into  a routine full of energy and color.

Summer conjures up lazy days of nothingness. As it is my favorite season the whole notion of  “An Endless Summer” sounds completly divine. I could get use to beach and seafood all year but alas the days of reading by the pool are at an end. The shift in the calendar brings about excitment for school supplies and apple picking. The season of pumpkins brings on a freshness with breezier days. The color of the sky’s seem to speak of the brightness that the world can hold as it lights up with all the golds and reds it has been holding onto for just this time in the year. Every view seems to drip with more luxury when its in gold and red hues. Don’t you think?

I personally end up with feelings of proactiveness. What do we, as a family, want to create in our days and time as we head into the end of the year? What do we still want to accomplish, see, experience? In this culture, it is important to find things that get us out of the house and from behind our desks.

These ideas (below) are for me to help my family get away from all the electronic devices. It is help in removing everyone from the busy work week. Most especially these activities are to get us away from the hussle and bustle that so often encircles the season shift. Most importantly it is to help us all Create Joy! 

I hope these thoughts spark your imagination in this colorful season of fall! I want to be clear that this is not things you “have to do”! These are iteams that you want to do. So much of adult life is spent on what you “have to” accomplish. So if I can inspire one thing for you this season it would be to focus a little more on things that bring quality to your life. Things that bring you comfort, and color your life just as much as the leaves falling from the trees.

“Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree.” – Emily Bronte

Do you want to learn to make homeade pumpkin soup this year? Do you want to paint? Do you want to see a waterfall or go wine tasting? May this season be one that you create and do your “want to” list. Life is precious. Savor and soak it all in. Slow down and taste the flavors of the season.

  • Picnic in the park
  • Apple picking
  • Fall garden planting
  • An entire afternoon, reading on the back deck with ice tea and app’s
  • Concerts – at least two
  • A Camping trip
  • Hike two local trails
  • Pumpkin patch
  • Pizza and Puzzle night
  • Visit a Sunflower farm
  • Corn maze
  • Football party
  • Firepit night with s’mores and stories

 

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Seasonal Nourishment

Seasonal Nourishment

 

Summer life brings a freshness to it that makes my soul sing! But alas all good things must come to an end. School is back and football has started. Food shifts are one of the first things that start to show me that another season is approaching and another is ending. With the heat still very high in our southern state it can be hard to transition to fall menu’s and hearty meals. Most of us are still craving the taste’s of summer. Because of this I have compiled a list of some of our favorites for this in between time.

“Food matters because it’s one of the things that forces us to live in this world — this tactile, physical, messy, and beautiful world — no matter how hard we try to escape into our minds and our ideals. Food is a reminder of our humanity, our fragility, our createdness.”
Shauna Niequist, Bread and Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes

Breakfast idea:

Walnut Coffee Cake Quick Bread

This is a staple in our house. I can hardly keep it in stock when I make it. It is incredibly good with warm butter or with a cup of morning coffee. The original recipe is from Joanna Gaines but I have changed it bacuse personally it was just to many ingrediaents and steps.

*You need three bowls and a loaf pan. Cook for about 40 minutes at 350 degrees.

bowl one:

1/2 cup of light brown sugar

1 tablespoon all purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 tablespoon butter melted

1/4 cup of chopped walnuts. (I buy raw whole and crunch them with a fork)

Bowl two:

1/2 cup sugar

1 tablespoon cinnamon

Bowl three:

2 cups of bread flour (I use Arnold brand)

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

a dash of salt

little bit over one cup of buttermilk

1 egg

1/4 cup oil (I use olive or avocado)

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

about 3/4 cup of walnuts. (I chop these minimally)

drop half of bowl three in your laof pan and then sprinkle all of bowl two on top. swirl with a knife to make marble look. drop rest of bowl three on top of mixture and then sprinkle bowl one one top. bake and enjoy.

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Lunch Idea:

Chicken Corn Salad

two cups of canned organic sweet corn

one package of chicken (about two servings) grilled and cubbed

cilantro-avacodo- olive oil -baby tomato’s- pesto sauce

mix all ingredients in a large bowl. Add fresh mozzarella – shredded

Rosmary Potaoes and green beans

I originally did this for our easter dinner meal but we love to make this ahead of time and eat it hot or cold!

boil red proptaoes until to your likeing

in a pan saute green beans with onion, scallions, and your choice of mushrooms (we use bella mostly) in avocado oil.

add cooked potatoes.

add salt, pepper and fresh rosmary. top with lemon garlic salad dressing.

 

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Appezizer idea:

Jalepeno Stuffed Peppers

slice peppers in half and throw away seeds

cover the center of pepper with cream cheese. Just the trough part. (If you over fill it will leak out all over your pan in the oven.)

wrap  entire pepper in bacon

lay them all out on a pan and cook in oven till bacon is crispy

Dinner Idea:

Paella

Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large skillet or paella pan over medium heat. Stir in garlic, red pepper flakes, and cooked rice. Cook, stirring, to coat rice with oil, about 3 minutes. Stir in saffron oil, a bay leaf, parsley, a little chicken stock, and lemon zest. Bring to a boil, cover, and reduce heat to medium low. Simmer 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat 2 tablespoons oil in a separate skillet over medium heat on the grill with marinated chicken and onion; cook 5 minutes. Stir in bell pepper and sausage; cook till tender. Stir in shrimp if desired; cook, turning the shrimp, until both sides are pink and all meat is done.

 

Spread rice mixture onto the grill safe serving tray. (We usually just use the same big stirfry pan that the meat is in on the grill) Top with desired srirachi sauce and optional cheese.

 

“But my parents understood that the world that they made within the walls of our house was what constituted home. So I grew up in spaces framed by art and color, filled with candlelight, marked by beauty. I grew up within a rhythm of time made sacred by family devotions in the morning and long conversations in the evening. I grew up with the sense of our daily life as a feast and delight; a soup-and-bread dinner by the fire, Celtic music lilting in the shadows, and the laughter of my siblings gave me a sense of the blessedness of love, of God’s life made tangible in the food and touch and air of our home.
It was a fight for my parents, I know. Every day was a battle to bring order to mess, peace to stressful situations, beauty to the chaos wrought by four young children. But that’s the reality of incarnation as it invades a fallen world….What my parents-bless them-knew…is that to make a home right in the midst of the fallen world is to craft out a space of human flesh and existence in which eternity rises up in time, in which the kingdom comes, in which we may taste and see the goodness of God.”
Sally Clarkson, The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming

I hope these notes and recipes will inspire you to enjoy the season you are in and to slow down a little bit. May you go and create something nourishing for your family! May you celebrate where you are at and where you are going! But most of all, may you not forget to feed your soul this season. Bon appetit!

10 Weeks of Summer and What You Should be Doing

10 Weeks of Summer and What You Should be Doing

Summer is only about 10 to 12 weeks here in the south. Before we can blink the lazy mornings and pool days turn into school shopping and cramming your reading list into the last two weeks before football season starts back up. So what should we be doing with this time? How do we maximize it with out it maximizing us? There have been many  a summer that I have gone back into fall with exhaustion and sunburn, wondering how I allowed my most precious and favorite time to be eaten up with things that just didn’t seem to fulfill my potential. This sunny joyous time is irreplaceable. To help us all out, I have decide to give you the questions that I use to help encourage growth. This is for focusing on what really matters during the beautiful summer months of iced tea and water life.

 

  • What 3 goals do you want to achieve within the next 3 months?
  • If anything was possible what would you wish for?
  • What have been your 3 greatest successes to date? 
  • Are there people that you’d love to spend more time with? If so whom and why?
  • Is there a hobby you’ve wanted to spend more time on? If so what?
  • Is there a class or workshop you’ve been meaning to take?
  • What else have you always wanted to do?
  • What are you struggling with right now?
  • What makes you feel tired?
  • What is one thing you can do today to move you forward?
  • Who are most important to you in your life – what do they provide you with?
  • On a scale of 1 -10 how happy are you with your life right now? What are the things that make you happy?
  • On a scale of 1-10 how motivated are you in your work/personal life? What motivates you?
  • On a scale of 1 -10 how stressed do you feel right now – what are your key stressors? List 5 things that you feel you are ‘putting up with’ right now? 
  • In a weekly report write out how you did with Chill Time, Sleep, Exercise, Drinking Water, Reading, and Focusing on personal development.
  • What skill do you need to personally develop over the next three months?
  • What are the top 10-15 goals and tasks you are going to focus on for the next 10 weeks?

Bride and Groomed

Bride and Groomed

 

 

 

Staying healthy helps to keep us in a positive mindset. Good health starts with a healthy diet, physical activity, and getting enough sleep. With the summer months now officially here it is acommon thread to slow down and focus abit more on health and personal development.

Why is this so important for us as relationship coaches? We personal have to model the behavior that we want to see in others. Our heart is to witness that our clients see that they too can meet their goals. Staying healthy is a big piece to achieving all other goals.

How is your self-care when it comes to your physical health? Are there things you can do to improve? Odds are, you can. None of us take perfect care of ourselves. But today we wanted to focus on the things that we feel can significan;t help and impact you for the better and boost you in your relationships. 

Successful people with incredible relationships have self-confidence and are generally happy with who they are, but that’s not to say that we shouldn’t try to look our best and keep working on these areas. This is a big idea; especially for those of us who have gotten to a certain level of comfort in our relationships and in our lives.

Taking care of things that make us look and feel better is a great characteristic to model to future generations and to the world. Enjoy your summer! 

Tip Number One: Get a makeover

I choose to get a makeover periodically. A makeover can include new makeup techniques, skin care regime, and or a new hairstyle. It sometimes involves getting an updated wardrobe and for me almost always it involes a new pair of killer shoes! I have even colored my hair champane pink before. 

To do a makeover well, Both men and women need to look in their closets and get rid of shoes and clothing that are woefully out of style, uncomfortable, or no longer fits. Enlist a friend or family member to help you shop for what looks and feels great. Stop saving the clothes that are two sizes smaller just because you might loose the weight in a year. By the time you get there, (and you will) it will be outdated. 

Creating the best “you” possible will make you feel more confident, interesting, and maybe even sexy. If you haven’t evaluated your look in the last five years, it’s probably time to do so.

Tip Number Two: Invest in a Manicure and Pedicure

This is not just for women! The mani/pedi is a relaxing way to make your hands and feet look and feel terrific. My personal favoite about getting this done is the massage chair! I’ll often pay the exrta couple dollars to get a foot and leg massage as part of the process, which helps me personally relieve stress.

 

Tip Number Three: Get a Massage

As a fomer althete and dancer I learned that physical therapy was crucial to taking care of my skin and body. Early on in my career I was using foam rollers and fascia stretching. Outside of a day in the sunshine, a massage is my favorite way to boost my mood.  From a psychological standpoint, being touched is impactful in so many ways! It would take three blog posts just to name all the benfits! For example, it has been recommended that people get at least one hug every day due to the knowlege of how touch affects us. 

 

Tip Number four: Unplug from Elecrtonics for 24 hours

I love technology and all it has to offer. Summer time, eluads to more tv time and audio books and swiping through feeds of pictures while laying by the pool. The Opportunity for it to take over can be strong. A reboot for your mind and your soul is healthy. I usally need just a bit of time off. A couple hours or an afternoon free from my phone. That means everything. I have never taken a Insta gram subatocal, or delted my facebook account for a month or wiped out my apps for lent. However, I ahve never felt I needed too because I take the 24 hour unplug rule to heart. Every once in a while I go longer. 24 hours off of all devices. Not just one app or one progarm or one netflix show, I put it all away and silence all devices, including my fitbit tracker and my alarm. Thsi time frame is not too long that I will miss the important email or that our extended loved ones will be worried. It does however, free meand my relationship from devices 100% for an enttire day. It is one of the most amazing things to do for your health and your romance. 

Tip Number Five: Get A Coach

 

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Top 5 reasons why it is so important!

5. Your coach just might show up with wine and a cheese board to cheer your relationship on and encourage you in your goals! 

4. Lots of fun, laughs, and growth! 

3. No children screaming, “Mooooommmmyyyyy” are allowed during coaching sessions!

2. You will learn something new that will impact you for the rest of your life. 

And the Number One reason you should get a Coach:

I think you’re great and you deserve a little focused attention on personal and relational development! So may of us just need a cheerleader and a mentor to make us go from creating great to Creating Exceptional! A coach can do this!

 

Tip Number Six: Dressing for Success In Your Relationship

Once people get married we have noticed a trend for fashion to decline. Some of this is good. It means you are comfortable. This can be freeing. However, the statement about dressing for success at work is true for your marriage too! We have a dear friend that talks about himself in the “2.0 version” because he had a complete wardrobe shift about five years into their relationship. All of a sudden his spouse had the hots for him in a totally different way. I am not saying you need to go out and buy an entirely different wardrobe and I am not encouraging fast fashion, but if your partner only sees the weekend sweatpants, are you truly showing up for your marriage? Are you showing up more for work than you are for your romance? We have a couple that we love to mimic in this. They are both entrepreneurs and work from home but oh my do they know how to turn heads and to step it up in their game when they need too. They don’t just do it for work but for each other. They are beautiful and fun on the hiking trail in their t-shirts and on date night they can make everyone wish they aged like them. No insta filters needed! Make sure you are dressing for sucess not just at work but also in your romance! 

 

Cheers to your health and relationship!

 

 

Marriage Versus Motherhood

Marriage Versus Motherhood

With this week being the week after we love on all the mom’s and the mothering figures in our lives I felt it only appropriate to share some of my thoughts on the balancing act of the roles of motherhood and my romantic relationship.

The big point in this post is the honor we have as mothers. It is beautuful but it is also dangerous at times for our marriages. We can very quickly focus on our role as mother over the role that made us one. The danger of that is we can loose our romantic lives in the process.

Your kids more than likely came after your marriage and they must ALWAYS stay there.  I don’t care if you have a miracle baby who is only eight months old and your still nursing him.  Get a babysitter!  Break up with that child.  One day that kid will yell at you, will go off to college, marry another, and create a new family.  Where will you be with your marriage?  The best advice we ever got on this subject was from a couple who didn’t have children.  The reason we took the advice?  They were on the outside and could see stuff that all of us who had kids couldn’t see.  We were in it, we were blinded, we were tired, and we were busy.  It was the best advice. Make sure your marriage always stays in front of your kids.

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I am a mother to a miracle child and what we call our “bonus baby”.  I had high risk pregnancies with both of them and we are lucky we have them at all.  They are my pride and joy.  My special bonus.  My dream that I cried and deeply feared would never be a reality.  And I became a lioness when they were born.  No one could care for them the way I could.  If I had not taken this advice to heart I know for a fact Steve and I would be in a challenging spot.

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However, our marriage must come first. Your babies will be better off when you prioritize your husband.  Your marriage can be a thriving, dynamic and energizing machine, while raising children. When the kids head out on their own, you won’t be devastated and unaware of what to do with yourself.  Trust me, you both will be much better parents for putting each other above all other relationships, including your children. 

 

Proverbs 31:28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Instant Vision

Instant Vision

Life can give us massive blows. We don’t get to write our stories. God does that. When I get down, it is usually because I am discouraged in what I can not see as good. I can’t see where God is going with the plot or even see the full story God is writing. And I find myself aching at my core. We can get so focused on what we don’t have, or don’t want, or can’t instantly make better that everything sinks. A few posts back we talked on having vision in your relationships. today we would like to take it a step further. 

We do have a choice. We get to choose how we live the story God gives us. My question to you today is, are you thinking the best about your spouse? Are you giving them the benefit of your best thoughts towards them? Are you communicating and being life-giving? Do you have a gut level honesty with your significant other that no one else gets? Do you speak to each other as if you are desperately, madly, over the moon for one other?

Instead of complaining we want you to focus on what you like. Do more of that.

If complaining and focusing on what you don’t have is killing your relationship and your romance, what are the things that can transform it? Statistically speaking much of relationship counseling doesn’t work. The reason being when you go to a councilor you are going to go unpack everything that is wrong. That can be very discouraging and further depressing! Stop focusing on everything that is wrong and start seeing what is right. 

Jesus said “‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” We hope you drink more living water! We hope you see the gift God has given you in your marriage.

Dream – When things are hard and the tomb seems shut for good we choose to keep dreaming. Towards incredible impossible things in spite of it all. When you have lost your job, a friendship dies, you have horrific health news, or you witness someone bury their baby, life can seem to stop in the middle of horror.

It may seem contradictory and even disrespectful but we encourage you to keep your dreams alive! We must never stop dreaming incredible, beautiful, wonderful things for our relationships. The “what if possibilities” in life have helped us get through job loss, infertility, and heart-break of the deepest degree’s. This is not a goal but something super big. We pray that if life seems dark and your understanding of the pain in this world is hard to comprehend that you will take heart! That you will keep on, pressing toward the prize.

John 16:22-24;33

“So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Happy Easter!