I went for a run. It had been a long day and I was tired. After a fitful night of sleep ( my toddler was up with nightmares and my son had a dirty diaper so bad that at 5 am I was changing sheets and clothes. I had taken my daughter to preschool with only half my coffee drunk and tears from her the whole way there complaining of everything under the sun (including that she didn’t want to wear Minnie mouse underwear that day). I ran to the store and forgot two main items. I tried to workout at our gym. Failed. I was called back within 15 min to get my son who was crying. literally had gone to the restroom, set up my workout file and sipped some water. I mean he was crying!!! Screaming, bowing back, red-faced and runny nose. He was mad. I picked him up and we came home.
As I paced myself with my “hard-core” music I started to “run it out”. I was so frustrated with the whole day. I honestly wanted to cry. Instead I pushed harder. And then I remembered something I’m really trying to do.
Let myself feel how I feel. Stop shoving it down.
My father is tough as nails. When I was a kid he hurt his fingers to the bone while fixing the garage doors and never even shed a tear. My mom on the other hand cries if my brother says something slightly rude, even when its said about the dog! For whatever reason I adopted more of my fathers way of handling things. I get mad. Even when I’m sick. I don’t cry and beg. I cuss. I get mad. I become rude. I bow my back and fight. I push against the feeling.
However as I’m running and getting madder by the minute I decided to change it up and just let it be. I stopped running. I changed my music to some softer tunes and walked. I allowed myself to feel the exhaustion of the day and to feel sad for all the little things I thought I had lost. Time spent with my son and a lack of a workout. Sleep lost. My morning coffee time…..nothing really completed.
I looked at the birds and the fall leaves and the day and had a very profound amount of feelings wash over me. The amount that really has you staggering and full. Even in the cayos, the pain, the crazy, and the exhaustion – I am blessed. It means I am alive! All of it points to the fact that I am human and I feel deeply. I am flesh and blood. That I am a living, breathing soul and even the rough days are so very very precious. Christ was flesh and blood. He felt very deeply. To ignore that is to allow this world and satan to keep you from living fully.
Let’s not shove any feeling down. It’s proof we have heart. What are you feeling today?
“Never take someones feelings for granted because you never know how much courage they took to show it. ” – Unknown