Self care is a buzz word. When it comes to personal development, women’s rights, burn out, workaholics, baby blogs, a spa day, or a business HR meeting the word’s “Self Care” gives everyone a little thrill.
I mean, who doesn’t want to be a little bit more self focused and call it “care”? I’m obviously teasing because taking care of your person is very very important. After all, half my business is about this! However, many people do not see the importances of using the same tactics when it comes to their relationships.
Relationship Self Care has to do with what you do for the health of your relationship. Just like “self” care makes you a better person for those around you and optimizes your energy levels, “relationship self care” does the same. Are you burned out? Is your energy low when it comes to the other person? Are you prioritizing it? Overworking the relationship? Maybe you no longer see the point.
Personal care often involves rest, extra hydration, spiritual practices, gratitude journals, reflection, goals, a spa day, and often times working out and eating right. Your relationships need you to do focus on things as well for a more well rounded and healthier version of itself. So the question is; How do you hydrate your romance?
My top three self care tips for any relationship are to: 1) Go to bed together 2) Get yourself a date night every week (having fun together), and 3) Learn to ask the right questions.
Going to bed together sounds simple and very normal but you would be surprised at how many couples do not do this. Going to bed at separate times starts at around three and a half years into a marriage. The importance of not letting this habit slip actually creates an emotional, and physical closeness that is so strong it can be shown on a neurological level! Kick the TV out of the bedroom, and choose a pattern that works for both of you in getting into bed at the same time.
A date night every week doesn’t have to be hard, expensive, or regimented. Getting face to face time where you are having fun is crucial to keeping the momentum and the creativity high. If all your spouse ever sees is work, chores, and the tasks for running a household they will start searching for fun and adventure elsewhere. Whether that is at the office, with the buddies on the tennis court, or in another area. It is true that we are all hardwired to seek out things that give us joy and pleasure. Never stop pursuing each other! Get a sitter once a month, swap kid watching with neighbors, do a brunch mid-week, and plan an at home date night of board games or cards. You do that and you have a date night planned for every week for a month. Have fun!
Not lets talk about the stretching that need to happen in the “self care of a relationship”. Everyone knows that stretching is important for a persons who is training or even just scrunched at a desk all day. But did you know you relationship needs stretching too? For self care in a relationship the “stretching” Im talking about is in the form of communication. So often I find people say they “talk” all the time but they still have major “problems”. What is usually the culprit is you are speaking but they aren’t understanding. Learning to listen and speak so that the other person really and fully understands and comprehends is crucial.
Here are a few questions from my husband and I’s workbook to help you stretch out the tightness in communication. Asking the right questions for your partner to have vulnerability and honesty is foundational for all relationship self care.
- What would energize you in our dating life and put more fun back into our schedule?
- What is one habit we can change that would significantly impact our relationship for the better?
- What influences do we need to take our marriage to the next level? (people, books, podcasts)
- Are you starving in any area’s right now? How can I help?