Time Away

Time Away

When’s the last time you truly got away… and I don’t just mean heading out for a weekend trip (although those quick getaways are sometimes just what the doctor ordered)…

I’m talking about phone silence, email abstinence, abstaining from chores, relishing in late breakfasts over mimosas, long quiet walks, getting lost in a good book, doing a unique family activity, getting lost gazing into a fire, spending too much time in a hottub, cooking a massive meal with plenty of leftovers, star gazing late at night once the kids are asleep, or cuddle under a blanket with the person of your dreams.

Are you building this into your schedule?  Are you making time for what’s truly important in life?  I’d be able to retire in my 30’s If only I had a dollar for every time someone says how fast the “time flies by”.  Time is precious and we can’t control the amount of it that we’ll be given.  Carpe Diem (seize the day) is one of my favorite slogans from Robin William’s “Dead Poet’s Society” film… seize every moment my friends – don’t let a minute go by without thoughtfully planning how to maximize it to the fullest!

Summertime is the perfect time to take that much needed time away.  Spend the money, you won’t regret it.  And if your boss is not “cool” with you leaving your laptop at the house so you can enjoy some much needed time off… well, maybe it’s time to start looking elsewhere.  I recognize that limited communication/monitoring of the business might be needed if you are an executive or CEO… but come on people, you know you’ll be refreshed, energized, and ready to tackle challenges after a time of isolation.  I guarantee that if you compromise this area of your life, you will suffer dearly in all other areas – albeit emotional, relational, physical, spiritual, etc.

My job requires me to interface with counterparts around the world… I’m always jealous when I receive out of office messages from my colleagues in India, Europe, etc.  Many of them taking a solid 4 weeks off to recharge with friend and loved ones.

So… what are you going to do in your current situation?  My advice (whether merited or not)… turn the phone off, shut the laptop down, put in the vacation days, pull some extra cash out of the bank that you’ve worked hard for, and grab the hand of the person you love most and go off the grid… disappear for awhile… live life to the the fullest.  I promise you’ll never regret that decision.

SJD

Bride and Groomed

Bride and Groomed

 

 

 

Staying healthy helps to keep us in a positive mindset. Good health starts with a healthy diet, physical activity, and getting enough sleep. With the summer months now officially here it is acommon thread to slow down and focus abit more on health and personal development.

Why is this so important for us as relationship coaches? We personal have to model the behavior that we want to see in others. Our heart is to witness that our clients see that they too can meet their goals. Staying healthy is a big piece to achieving all other goals.

How is your self-care when it comes to your physical health? Are there things you can do to improve? Odds are, you can. None of us take perfect care of ourselves. But today we wanted to focus on the things that we feel can significan;t help and impact you for the better and boost you in your relationships. 

Successful people with incredible relationships have self-confidence and are generally happy with who they are, but that’s not to say that we shouldn’t try to look our best and keep working on these areas. This is a big idea; especially for those of us who have gotten to a certain level of comfort in our relationships and in our lives.

Taking care of things that make us look and feel better is a great characteristic to model to future generations and to the world. Enjoy your summer! 

Tip Number One: Get a makeover

I choose to get a makeover periodically. A makeover can include new makeup techniques, skin care regime, and or a new hairstyle. It sometimes involves getting an updated wardrobe and for me almost always it involes a new pair of killer shoes! I have even colored my hair champane pink before. 

To do a makeover well, Both men and women need to look in their closets and get rid of shoes and clothing that are woefully out of style, uncomfortable, or no longer fits. Enlist a friend or family member to help you shop for what looks and feels great. Stop saving the clothes that are two sizes smaller just because you might loose the weight in a year. By the time you get there, (and you will) it will be outdated. 

Creating the best “you” possible will make you feel more confident, interesting, and maybe even sexy. If you haven’t evaluated your look in the last five years, it’s probably time to do so.

Tip Number Two: Invest in a Manicure and Pedicure

This is not just for women! The mani/pedi is a relaxing way to make your hands and feet look and feel terrific. My personal favoite about getting this done is the massage chair! I’ll often pay the exrta couple dollars to get a foot and leg massage as part of the process, which helps me personally relieve stress.

 

Tip Number Three: Get a Massage

As a fomer althete and dancer I learned that physical therapy was crucial to taking care of my skin and body. Early on in my career I was using foam rollers and fascia stretching. Outside of a day in the sunshine, a massage is my favorite way to boost my mood.  From a psychological standpoint, being touched is impactful in so many ways! It would take three blog posts just to name all the benfits! For example, it has been recommended that people get at least one hug every day due to the knowlege of how touch affects us. 

 

Tip Number four: Unplug from Elecrtonics for 24 hours

I love technology and all it has to offer. Summer time, eluads to more tv time and audio books and swiping through feeds of pictures while laying by the pool. The Opportunity for it to take over can be strong. A reboot for your mind and your soul is healthy. I usally need just a bit of time off. A couple hours or an afternoon free from my phone. That means everything. I have never taken a Insta gram subatocal, or delted my facebook account for a month or wiped out my apps for lent. However, I ahve never felt I needed too because I take the 24 hour unplug rule to heart. Every once in a while I go longer. 24 hours off of all devices. Not just one app or one progarm or one netflix show, I put it all away and silence all devices, including my fitbit tracker and my alarm. Thsi time frame is not too long that I will miss the important email or that our extended loved ones will be worried. It does however, free meand my relationship from devices 100% for an enttire day. It is one of the most amazing things to do for your health and your romance. 

Tip Number Five: Get A Coach

 

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Top 5 reasons why it is so important!

5. Your coach just might show up with wine and a cheese board to cheer your relationship on and encourage you in your goals! 

4. Lots of fun, laughs, and growth! 

3. No children screaming, “Mooooommmmyyyyy” are allowed during coaching sessions!

2. You will learn something new that will impact you for the rest of your life. 

And the Number One reason you should get a Coach:

I think you’re great and you deserve a little focused attention on personal and relational development! So may of us just need a cheerleader and a mentor to make us go from creating great to Creating Exceptional! A coach can do this!

 

Tip Number Six: Dressing for Success In Your Relationship

Once people get married we have noticed a trend for fashion to decline. Some of this is good. It means you are comfortable. This can be freeing. However, the statement about dressing for success at work is true for your marriage too! We have a dear friend that talks about himself in the “2.0 version” because he had a complete wardrobe shift about five years into their relationship. All of a sudden his spouse had the hots for him in a totally different way. I am not saying you need to go out and buy an entirely different wardrobe and I am not encouraging fast fashion, but if your partner only sees the weekend sweatpants, are you truly showing up for your marriage? Are you showing up more for work than you are for your romance? We have a couple that we love to mimic in this. They are both entrepreneurs and work from home but oh my do they know how to turn heads and to step it up in their game when they need too. They don’t just do it for work but for each other. They are beautiful and fun on the hiking trail in their t-shirts and on date night they can make everyone wish they aged like them. No insta filters needed! Make sure you are dressing for sucess not just at work but also in your romance! 

 

Cheers to your health and relationship!

 

 

Boredom in Marriage

Boredom in Marriage

As a lifestyle coach and former athlete I am all about efficiency and schedules. But that can get boring real fast. The pain of regiments and disciplines becomes the pain of regrets. It can become so monotonous to do everyday life that one day we wake up and cry from the dullness. Unaware of how we got from burning passion to “Did you feed the dog?”,  we except it as is.

We crawl into the ho-hum of routine and settle in for consistency and average mediocrity.  This does not have to be you.  This is not what you were made for.  This is not the standard you should hold yourself up to. It is not what God considered good when He made man a partner in the Garden. This is not acceptable. 

We were made to be in God’s bigger picture and our marriages are the foundation of that.  Making sure we are focusing on developing our romantic dreams can keep us excited for creating something extraordinarily above average. Stepping up and raising our standards to live boldly and fearlessly can create immense drive. Despite all this encouragement on dreams and romance, you can still become bored. How? Two things, you’re either living life too fast or too slow. The pace of your marriage is crucial in creating excellence. 

Are you so busy you’re losing your wonder and curiosity for what it could be?  When was the last time you paused just to give a soft kiss? How many times have you promised you’d be somewhere or do something for your wife or kids only to allow situations to derail that commitment?  Sure, there are always exceptions that cannot be avoided (like a flat tire, emergency, or sickness).  I’m not talking about those.  I’m talking about the times you failed to prioritize, failed to watch the clock properly, failed to account for traffic, failed to close the laptop on time, or failed to tell someone else the word “no” rather than your spouse.

Exhausted from the normal speed of our existence we squash out any fire. If you’re so busy and you’re so overwhelmed in your day to day that there is no margin for dreaming, or engaging, you lose all zeal. You only have room for flipping the television on, maybe not even that. You find yourself out of energy to engage in anything. Game night, laughter, special plans for date night, gifts, and deeper conversations have no place because you physically have no band width for thinking of it.

On the flip side of this, perhaps your dreams are so slow at coming to fruition you’ve lost hope of reaching it entirely. Some dreams are life dreams and it’s a long time coming to make them happen.

To wait it out is really hard and very daunting. It’s much harder if your also not focused on smaller dreams during the wait.

When your timeline isn’t God’s, unfilled desires are painful.  

During a particular season where we were at this point we studied Paul, the apostle. Paul, who spent the better part of his last days in prison. He managed to stand fast despite beatings and massive persecution. How could he write such passionate and inspirational things while going through so much pain and so much boredom? Prison, (I am guessing) is very boring. I believe it was because he knew the bigger picture, his purpose, and the part he played. Do you know the part you play in you marriage? Do you know the bigger picture? God said it was not good for man to be alone in the garden. It was the only thing “not good” before the fall of man. We were created for connection with God and our spouse from the very beginning of time. 

For us to get out of bordom and the rutt we decided to create a vision statement that we both could stand on for our relationship. That no matter what, in the up’s, the downs, the storms and the calm, we would hold fast. We didn’t want excess, we wanted excellence. We wanted to continually be Creating Exceptional. We wanted to guard the good deposit that we had been given. (2 Timothy 1:14).

Do you have a vision for your marriage? Is it written down? Do you both take ownership of it?

Psalms 23:7 For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

SEXY

SEXY

We make this so much harder than it needs to be.  We silently suffer through things that could be cleared up very quickly with a few questions or explanations.  Instead we choose to stay silent around our significant other and our group of trusted peers.  Choosing to suffer, to stew, and to be secretive.  Let us not complicate this.  All we need is to ask the real questions on intimacy, even the hard ones.  Going to work at understanding the deeper more unique nature of each other will create the most incredible dynamic. It will give you freedom that you could only imagine about in your wildest dreams.

What I would tell my young married self:

  • You are responsible for you.  Your body is His and He is yours but you are responsible for communicating correctly about it and what you need from the other person.  If he needs something from you He is responsible to tell you.  Trying to anticipate and guess and be in front of it will only wear you both out and leave you unsatisfied.
  • Make your bedroom a haven. So often the bedroom is the last room we decorate, finish and use. It should be the opposite. This is the haven for your marriage. It is the place to escape chores, work, devices, and the outside world. For years, and I mean years, I would haul the laundry baskets into our bedroom. My mistake was realized only after running ragged one day and coming upstairs to rest. There on the bed sat three loads of unfolded laundry. I could not even lie down. I urge you to make this space work for you and your significant other. Let it be soothing, and romantic. There is nothing sexy about piles of laundry and stacks of clutter. I suddenly saw the problem and the solution that day with the laundry. Our room needed to be a place that spoke to us and that encouraged connection. almost over night, I realized our room was the tone for our romantic life. I changed everything. I wanted my husband and I to walk in to our bedroom for the space to breathe life into our relationship. No harsh colors, no clutter or distractions. Everything we had, we had to love. The bed sheets were upgraded, candles were bought, visual space was marked out and no devices became a mandatory rule. I still struggle with the habit of throwing all the clean laundry in the bedroom but I am doing better and it is doing wonders for our marriage and romance.
  • Choose to have a no shame and no blame policy.

    When someone is opening up to you on the topic of anything sexual you do not want to shame and blame them.  By all means we are called to hold each other accountable.  We are all better human beings when we rise up in all of life and we do this unwaveringly.  It just means no condemnation.  In shaming someone, It will create a closed off and painfully negative experience.  They will never approach you again about it, and silently struggle to a dangerous zone.  To be a safe place to land about this struggle is sexy in and of itself.

     

     

    Proverbers 5:19

    May your fountain be blessed,

        and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

    A loving doe, a graceful deer—

        may her breasts satisfy you always,

Improve Your Relationship Instantly

Improve Your Relationship Instantly

As I lifestyle coach and excellence motivator, I am often asked for the quick fix when it comes to a number of issues and situations. Often I don’t have it. Almost everything in life takes small steps and time to create waves and impact. Very few people can see instant results and massive accomplishment just by shifting one thing. In other words You have to work at it and do it often to see the benefits. Just like exercise, You won’t see muscle and a healthy heart just by doing one workout (although the benefits are there in one session, it is hard to see it until you have done the routine for a while).

In a world that we call the “microwave generation” it is a hard reality to hear. Who doesn’t want instant and easy results? Often times it can be daunting for us to wait it out and to see the fruit of our labors.

When it comes to certain things, I do have to have a short list for my clients on making your life better – instantly. These are things that are tried and true.

For example: You want more energy?

  1. Drink more water
  2. Get to bed earlier
  3. Hire a babysitter
  4. Schedule a massage

Most of the time people know what they should be doing. However, hearing someone speak it, motivates us to continue to jump all in. So today, I am giving you my list. The top things that will transform your relationship to a better place.  The very things that we do that creates instant energy, joy, and connection in our marriage.

Date – Go on a date. Not just any date. You must go and do something you’ve never done before. So often as time goes on date night becomes either none existent or it becomes the same old, same old. Spice it up. Cooking class, mountain biking, drive in movie theater, painting class. You can’t just go to dinner or the regular dive bar you always go to. You must be creative. This has everything to do with your romance. Let the sparks fly!

  • Place – Pick your next vacation. The destination that you want to go on together. Dream it up and talk about it. What do you want to see, experience and accomplish. This as everything to do with being in and on an adventure together.

 

  • Position – Well this is pretty self-explanatory but once again try to get out of the rut and have fun. People in general don’t dream enough as a team, when it comes to their sex lives. So often these things are kept quiet and then the frustrations come out on the golf course with buddies, or at the nail salon with the girls. I am shocked at how many times I ask a person who is venting about their desires in this area and often they haven’t talked about it to their significant other at all! This is not a bashing time about what is not being met in this area but a brainstorming time as a unit of what you want. It is super fun!! Don’t forget to then implement what you’ve talked about and agreed on. This focus point has everything to do with your intimacy.

 

  • Goal – Don’t pick 37 goals and don’t pick a personal goal. Pick one goal as a team that you are going to work on as a team.
    • You want to pay the house off earlier?
    • Do you want to start a company together?
    • Do you want to run a marathon as a team?

Pick one thing that you can do together. This has everything to do with your purpose as a team and reminding yourself that two really are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 2)

You can accomplish so much more as a team. Steve and I have said it for years and years and it is not a new phrase but, it bears repeating.

“We make each other the best versions of ourselves.”

 

 

Top 10 reason for getting yourself a coach

I am a lifestyle and Top performance coach. I am a former ballet teacher and personal fitness trainer. I devour self-help books and anything related to personal health and well-being. My work is truly one of my passions in life and so it makes it easy to love and do. I am an overachiever, so when it comes to people’s personal development I am all about giving you excellence. I love seeing people create the exceptional lives they were made for and breaking all kinds of barriers. You get way more for the “what if’s” in life when you leave my sessions. I pride myself in creating an environment that is freeing, inspiring, stretches you, and gives you the tools that you need. I have multiple programs to choose from and all of them are custom to your personal desires. Everyone needs somebody on their side and in their corner. To push them beyond themselves and into living their biggest dreams.

If your stuck

If you’re needing someone to help break those barriers with you

If your worn out and still wanting something

If your on the brink of something big and need help

If your health has taken a back seat

If you’re in a hard transition…

I am your woman. I am your coach.

10 reasons why…..

10. Someone just might show up to massage your feet!
9. Lots of fun and laughs!
8. No children screaming, “Mooooommmmyyyyy!”
7. It will be nice to relax in a house you didn’t have to clean.
6. No one has seen you in so long we think you’re in the FBI’s witness protection program somewhere.
5. You are so tired and I have a whole coffee station just waiting.
4. You forgot your own birthday, so… Happy Birthday!” By the way, when was it again?
3. I have new neighbors and I want to make them think my house is the place to be, not the one across the street.
2. The game is on the day I scheduled your session, so you know you’re not getting to watch Lifetime.

And the Number one reason you should attend a coaching session with me: I think you’re a great person and you deserve a
 little pampering, and an exceptional plan for your journey and life!

coachedbykate.com

My Vow

My Vow

10 years ago this May I pledged my life to the man of my dreams and my very soul’s heartbeat. He is a pure gift. He makes me the best version of myself and He is perfect for me. He is the part of my story where I receive an earthly example of God’s incredible favor. He is the sand to my beach. I am blessed to call him “husband” but even more blessed to call him my best friend. We have so much fun together!

Today I wanted to share the Vow I am memorizing to repeat to him this year – and every year. We hope to do this publicly in a few years time when we do a formal renewing of our marriage but until then here it is:

 

The Vow
Today I, Kate, renew my marriage vows in the presence of God, in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and in the standing power of the Holy Spirit.

Stephen,

You and I have a treasured relationship which I view as a gift from God. I will accept you in your uniqueness; respect you in your differences from me; allow you room for individual expression; seek to understand and meet your needs; refrain from being overbearing and demanding; grant you the freedom to fail; forgive you. For your errors; restore you when you stumble; bear your burdens when you cannot carry them alone; give thanks daily for you and pray for you; provide for your needs within my means; encourage the realization of your full potential; remind you often through word and deed that you are the most important person in the world to me.

I renew my vow of commitment to you to have and to had from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till us do part according to God’s holy sacrament; and thereto, I pledge you my faith.

 

We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique complement, but because by being with that individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves. -Edgar Cayce