We all shift and transform in life. It is a fact. You transform into a youth from a child and an adult from there. What people don’t realize is that your brain can actual shift from month to month. And we often do not account for adults transformations and growth. And in these shifting seasons if we do not look to transform with skill and competence we become a little lost.
Woman particularly deal with this due, in part, to there shifting and transforming hormones each and every month. If you do not believe me come spend a month in my house!! My personal levels of energy, passion, and tolerance as I move throughout the month is shocking! Men on the other hand, have similar experiences as they progress through the various stages of life. When not accounted for a midlife crisis can occur.
Many people love to use this as an excuse for why they are no longer able to do something. They have “Changed”, ” Evolved” , “Grown apart”, “Out grown someone or something” or “It no longer serves them”. Transformation. But here is what it is not. It is not a way to stay bitter while trying to be better! It is not a way to drop things and call it Transformation.
The word is a verb. An action word. It means to make a thorough or dramatic change in the form, appearance, or character of. To change the voltage of (an electric current). In biology it is talked about when it is at a cellular level! You can transform your cells and dramatically!!! The word actually means to change, alter, modify, convert, metamorphose, transfigure; remodel, reshape, remold, redo, reconstruct, rebuild, rearrange, reorder, renew, revamp, renovate, overhaul, remake; revolutionize, stir up, and turn upside down!
But here is the thing, Transforming when done right, also transforms those around you – for the better! The energy level or (voltage of) actually shifts. Imagine an actual energy current like electricity.
This is something I strive for in my daily life: what energy can I bring in order to create an electric current for good?
Sometimes it can’t be done. You have a closed minded person around you or just a very black and white situation in front of you. And this is where those terms I wrote about at the beginning come into play. But that is not what I am blogging about today. (There are fewer of those than you may think anyway and I believe, personally, that people say this as an excuse to shut hard things out). What I am talking about is how we can use those things, people, and circumstances to grow us, transforming for a more advantageous life.
Healing Transformation. But…
- How do you do this where everyone is transforming and growing in the same direction?
- How do you not stifle someone else’s transformation but also not loose them as you yourself personally grow?
- How do you transform a family home dynamic that has been toxic into a warm and inviting place when others refuse?
- How do you get your boss to hear you and respect you and not become a battle of the wills or worse a place to be fired from?
- How do you make sure you do not transform away from your significant other and yet still each keep growing as a team?
I have selected a list that I believe will help any and ALL with making deep lasting transformation no matter what you are dealing with.
#1 – Become a chaser of potential
This is not denying reality but seeing what could be. And then go after it. Also, the more other people see the potential too the higher the odds of the potential becoming reality! So share your dreams and vision and get excited! Zeal is contagious!
#2 – Remember: “Everyone would, if they could”
I learned this from a podcast: Think of a little two year old kid. Imagine that kid having a tantrum or melt down. You know, if they knew how to do it or fix it or handle it, they probably would. They just aren’t there yet. Most of the time when frustration happens it is because they just do not have the tools to make it happen. Remember this idea when thinking of with everyone!! If they knew, they would. SO….give the benefit of the doubt. Ask yourself, How can you help them learn how?
#3 – Find out how to grow your Frustration Tolerance
This term came to me recently from a podcast (same podcast maybe?) I am forever grateful to hear it it! Some people’s tolerance levels are just higher. How do we grow ours? We all know, transformation takes effort,… and time… and patience… and often usually involves not just one person. Frustration is going to arise! Learning how to grow your tolerance for the frustration is an award winning asset! To grow your frustration tolerance, you can: identify your feelings when frustrated, practice tolerating mild frustration through activities like challenging puzzles, learn calming techniques like deep breathing, actively manage your self-talk, and gradually expose yourself to slightly frustrating situations while also developing coping mechanisms to manage your emotions.
#4 – Always leave a little sunshine – no matter how dark it is
Once again, Zeal is contagious!
#5 More Connection Points
More connection points is where you get everyone on the same page, more collaboration, ideas, and also accountability. When it comes to my marriage, we plan 10 minutes a day, a date night every week, and a getaway every year. With my kids we have quarter check ins and end of year goals we all talk about where we want to be headed for the year as a family. It isn’t that no one can do it alone, I have seen incredible individuals do incredible things on their own. It’s just that it is usually 1000 times more enjoyable when you grow and transform with others and statically you are faster to your goals. If you are single, find your people, mentors, support groups and colleagues, that can surround you and transform along side you.
#6 If you’re struggling with establishing limits, it’s important to understand how to set boundaries.
When thinking of Transforming, people don’t like to talk limits. They like to talk in Giant sweeping ideas but without perimeters! There is no limit! Glass ceilings broken etc….this can be dangerous when talking about real life transformation and growth! I am not saying that some people need to think bigger and break through barriers! But it could never go anywhere good if there is no limit. Boundaries make it possible. A person cannot be on a “diet” for forever. A company cannot keep working overtime ALL the time. A person cannot go on a silent retreat for the rest of their life. A couple cannot go out on a date night every night for all of their lifetime. This is where limits and boundaries help create structure and real Transformation. 6 weeks on a diet, Overtime for next 30 days, A Silent retreat for four days, Date night out every week or if needing a jolt a whole week of dates out to recharge! But not forever. If limits are not talked about, burnout sets in faster than you can blink! Limits and boundaries help keep things in perspective and keep things flourishing.
My Dad says to help with this write out:
- What can you do?
- What can’t you do?
- What will you compromise?
Doing these 6 things can really and truly make a transforming difference in yourself and those you love and care about!
Last but not least my 7th point on the list is a quote:
You can’t have a physical transformation until you have a spiritual transformation. – Cory Booker
Creating Exceptional 