Dismissed

When friendships stings it can devastate. Have you ever been minimized?
Or taken for granted to the point where you feel like you’re the only one initiating, over and over again? Of course you have! Everyone, at some point, has been overlooked, ignored, or dismissed in one way or another. And it’s not fun. To be made to feel small or insignificant is a deeply humbling experience.

As we get older, those situations usually become less frequent—or at least easier to handle. We learn, we grow, and we realize our value. As confidence builds, most of us stop allowing others to treat us that way, whether by stepping back ourselves or creating healthy distance from them.

I know I’m not a PhD, a master mathematician, or even particularly good at test-taking, typing, or climbing monkey bars. I can be intense, and yes, sometimes a “classic blonde” too. But to be so thoroughly disregarded as I was in the week I’m referring to—it takes a special kind of skill. What stung most was that it came from someone who was supposed to be a friend. Not just anyone, but someone who truly knew me and my family. After three years of investing time and energy, I realized it wasn’t the same for them. They simply didn’t care to grow deeper or continue the friendship.

It hurt. I was dismissed. I was devastated.

Friendships can be complicated: some fade, some flourish, some are not what they appear, and others blossom into more than we ever imagined. Interestingly, while this particular relationship was unraveling, I found myself being completely surprised by another group of friends—people who have grown to become one of the most treasured circles of my adult life.

So how do we navigate the messy, beautiful, scary world of adult friendships?

Research says adult friendships are vital for our overall health, well-being, and even longevity. Those are encouraging facts, but if we’re honest, they can feel daunting in a post-COVID world. Isolation and selfishness are the norm now.

This past week, my pastor said something in passing after worship that stuck with me: “We need like-minded people in our lives.”

It made me think of those special people. The unexpected friendships that creep up and become the very very best! You never see it coming but it’s the other way. The “exhale friendships” I like to call them. You know the ones. The ones that give you space to be you, that inspire, and that are beyond thoughtful. The person who buys a gift on their vacation because it reminded them of you! The random text to grab coffee, the sit on your couch and listen to how you are kind of people. People like you— With the like mindedness of words, and self growth, and Jesus. You, dear reader are carving out time for me each time I post! In a world where time is the best and most precious commodity – I am grateful to you!

I love this quote by Melanie Dale:
“They are not our Jesus. But he can use them to speak truth into our lives and hold us together when we’re falling apart. My friends aren’t my Savior, but sometimes he uses them to point me to him when I can’t find my way.”

Friendships can be complicated—some last a season, some for a lifetime. Some you need to run from! Some are slow progressions of colleges to lifetime people who show up to your kids graduations! Yet the Bible reminds us:
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

So how do we walk out friendship in a Christ-centered way?

• Have meaningful conversations.
• Embrace differences.
• Show love by listening and caring.
• Keep growing and pointing each other back to Jesus.
• Learn to not hold so tightly and to let go with grace

I’m grateful for the friends God has woven into my life—those who lift me up, speak truth, and point me back to Him. May we each strive to be that kind of friend for others. May we also be strong to deal with those who crush us! Yet, not so hard we never allow new people into our hearts and lives.

Prayer:
Lord, thank You for the gift of friendship. Help me to love well, to listen deeply, and to point my friends to You. Give me wisdom to let go when needed, and joy to cherish the ones You’ve placed in my life for this season. Amen.

I’m praying for each of you that is reading this! As you walk out friendship in your own circles—I know Jesus will use you in powerful, beautiful ways. I wrote this a while ago but it still holds true: “I do not know when the relentlessness of life’s most hurtful things will make sense but I do know that with Jesus we find our belonging and our very BEST FRIEND. I do not have to negotiate, or prove my worth. I find in Him friendships potential and the utter acceptance of me. I find a friend that will not drop me, that is loyal for life! He tells me Everyday that His vision for me is still so great and that His dreams of what we can do as a team is still building”!  And I am here. I value you as friend.

“some people arrive and make such an impact in your life you can barely remember what life was like without them” — Anne Taylor