Just last week, I had a conversation with someone where they were trying there very darn-est to stay up beat, positive and “glass half full” about a really challenging situation. And the more they tried, the harder it was. Mantras. Positive affirmations. Mirror talk. Bible Verses. Words of wisdom. Words of encouragement. Everyone agrees that all of this is good and well intended. Everyone I have ever talked to also agrees that our world, despite all of these ideas has seen an uptake in anger, arguments, meanness, anxiety, and self negative communication. So despite our best efforts things are going, it may seem, in the opposite direction.
Sometimes instead of saying the upside, it is saying the downside that re-centers you.
This is where I decided to I need to give my readers one of the very best personal tactics in really hard situations.
Instead of positivity – I do a little’ ‘worst case scenario” talk. Negative Phrases that everyone should learn and say. It is in this that we find the silver lining. Now, I am aware this is not new. These two phrases that I ma about to share are not revolutionary or unheard of. But, it puts everything into a real light perspective. It has helped me considerably as an adult. I believe everyone should have these phrases in there back pocket and use them often! I wish I had done it sooner. It gives peace. We all need more of that. At the very least, it helps the spin of horror our mind often creates when life throws lemons at us. When the lemons that are thrown are squashed on the sidewalk and rotting from smacking you in the head. There is no way to make lemonade, there just isn’t. NONE. What negative phrase will help you see the upside?
I have two:
# 1. We are not Curing Cancer.
Is it really urgent, immediate, that important? Nope. Everything is A. Ok. It can wait. There is urgency in disaster. Often, the tail spin people feel is when deadlines, or perceived emergency situations occur – they must act now! It is life and death! When really it isn’t. Remember, if you aren’t curing cancer it is probably not that important anyway and you can take a pause. I’m late! AHHH! Someone didn’t show up for a project, someone didn’t close end of quarter deadlines, someone left there shoes out! All of these things matter but, Am I curing cancer? Nope. Then, it is fine.
2.) It Is Not Cancer.
This is not to be disrespectful to those that have had it or have cancer, now. On the contrary! I witnessed one of my fathers very good friends die suddenly as a young adult leaving behind 2 boys and a wife and without insurance. I saw this, when I was just a child. I’ve seen breast cancer, leukemia, and colon cancer steal year’s and even life. So do not for a second think this is a flippant statement for me.
When I say this, I know what I am saying. How deeply this squares me up is at a profound level. Flat tire on the hi-way? It is not cancer. Best friend in jail? It is not cancer. Your kid hates you? It is not cancer. Lost job? It is not cancer. All of these things are horrible! Saying the negative (that to me) beats it all helps me realize that maybe, just maybe, I can see the light and the fact that God’s got it. . . even cancer! What phrase is so negative it will remind you of how good life really is, even if it is really hard? One of my favorite quotes is from a women who lost her lift to cancer. I will never forget it. She said “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy”.
Just because its hard doesn’t mean it isn’t still good. What could you use to ground you when the little positive quotes just don’t cut it anymore? When your bank account is empty. When you get in a finder-binder. When you bang your knee. When the car won’t start. When you loose in a political battle. When you don’t get promoted.
I remember a hard call came in to our house, one day. I was a teen and it was chaos but, it could have been so much more if my parents had reacted differently. My fathers plane had been landed in a vacant peanut field by a student pilot, with an emergency landing. Sliding in on its belly, smashed and scrapped up metal lay that little plane – no wheels. The speed of panic that in-sued at that phone call! After the crazy of it all, after everyone was accounted for, and the damage realized, you know what my Dad said?
“Well it least it was not the road!” Instead of seeing the worst at what was (and it was bad) my father chose to think of not the mantra or positive affirmation but what the worst could have been. Of how it could have been so, so much worse. That gave him comfort in the horror of the after math.
So next time when the little “I am at peace, ” phrases don’t work, try this! We are not Curing Cancer. It Is Not Cancer. You will be ok.
Creating Exceptional 