My daughter is a solo performer in the art and sport of figure skating. This terrifies me. It seems lonely and vulnerable in ways I wouldn’t dream of doing myself. To be a solo performer means no one is on the ice with her. There is no hiding behind the strength of another. There is no one else to remember the steps or create the energy for a well-done routine. She is my hero. In life, as in figure skating, being a solo performer takes great guts and great humility. To be solo in anything seems to be a lonely task, which can be frightening. And in this lies the false teaching we have been programmed wrongfully. That to be solo, is a negative. the world today does not “get” or comprehend the need, the desire, and the benefits of being solo, of doing things on one’s own, alone and purely for oneself.
For a child to perform as an individual it is honored by some, seen as brave even, a unique opportunity, a skill learned. Yet, by others, it is looked at as prideful, non- social and even narcissistic to extreme viewers. Yet it is in these solo endeavors that I find she is finding herself more.
It is in the moments of solo endeavors and the alone moments that I as a woman have found and even reinvented myself. It is in the pursuit of doing things bravely, and often in solitude, that I have found my purpose, my voice, my beliefs, my energy, my capabilities, and my gumption. It is through these solo performances in life that we find out what we are made of.
It is the endeavor of being stranded on the side of the road completely without a phone that I found my way. It is in the walks of solitude on the beach that I recenter myself for the days or year ahead. It is in the quiet of an afternoon in my home alone I find my creativity, and it is in the solo endeavors of my personal journey of motherhood I found how brave I truly am.
If you are filling up your solo moments right now with people, things, and noise stop and remember what you have in the solo endeavors. If you are feeling lonely in your “solo-ness” remember it is you that has the bandwidth to change the world, not another. Like my daughter, standing prepared and solo is where we find some of our greatest performances in life.
Yes, sometimes we trip and sometimes we even fall. Life, like an ice rink, can be unforgiving and that is when we dust ourselves off and keep going. Proud that we did it, bruised maybe, sore even. No one but us, accomplished and dedicated.
Growing up in a large family having anything that was “solo” or individual was rare. The collective was regarded as more important. In society, it is also the same. Teams and unity, family, and groups are valued as more important than just one individual. As women in society, we are great at this understanding. We see a household with multiple people and needs as a greater focus than a mother’s exhaustion. We often see a company’s well-being as more critical than the individual need of a woman who feverishly pursues the well-being of many and yet loses herself in the process. Besides, we all know what aloneness and solo endeavors create. They create individualism, selfishness, pride, and an unraveling of social graces and etiquette. they create self-sustaining monsters who only think about themselves. Right? And so we continue to give up our solo- ness”, men + women alike. We strive to be team players and humble servants of God and country. We strive to create homes of modern activists and materialism as well as extroverts full of activities We purge ourselves of any lone activities that might creep in.
But what about Jesus? Did he not do great work because he chose to also do solo work? There were things only he was able to do. Solo, he went away to pray, solo he cried to his father, and solo he went to the depths of hell to save me. Might I also learn to be o.k. with the endeavors that he encourages me to do? Not to the expense of the unit but rather for it? So that I might do greater work collectively as well? When did choosing to have solo activities and quiet endeavors become a selfish negative thing? that choosing. an hour of quiet was worse than watching TV because the hour of quiet is, only used to journal while watching TV you fold laundry and run the electric vacuum at the same time. Yet, wouldn’t the quiet be more productive for our souls than the latter? Choosing one solo act instead of twenty all at once.
My daughter is a solo performer and she is finding her greatest self in these performances might we do the same?
- Actions:
Choose to deliberately do something “solo” this week - Find one hour this week to be alone and journal about the
benefits of solo/individual activities and what they give. - If you are not married or in aromatic life write down the opportunities you have because you are solo, refrain from seeing it negatively. It is a gift.
- Choose one activity you usually try and multitask and decide to focus on one task at a time.
If you enjoy solo sports – go do something this month that involves:
- Running hiking/walking
- solo dance or figure skating
- swimming
- Bike
- Inline skating/skateboard
- Yolo (surfboard/ kayaking
- golfing
- snow skiing
- fly-fishing
Do 100% by yourself. If your going off the grid” notify someone
Creating Exceptional 